This lent....

I have decided this lent that Im going to really try harder to be a lot closer to you. I know in my heart the love that I have for you is strong and deep, my honor and faith is strong and I have never doubted you, but I know that I can do more. I know that I can be better... going to church to sing your praise is something that I really (not only need to do) want to do. SO, instead of giving something up (which im still going to do) I have decided that Im going to do everything in my ability to goto church every week.

You have your hands all over my life, and I'm so grateful that you are working in and around me right now. I just want to let u know that I hear you, I see you, and I know that you are trying to always tell me something. Im going to start listening more instead of talking so much. I know that you know what my true heart desires, and you know that Im a worry wart. Im really trying to give all that to you. I know that whatever happens in my life I need u to work. I need to give you everything and let u do what may be with it.

I have faith that you never will leave me , that you will make me stronger so that i can live the life in your honor that i so want, i know that you will handle everything, that NOTHING is impossible for you, that you can control my life and have me exactly where you need me to be.

I love you so much, and Im so happy that you are always there to count on. Thank you for the friends and loved ones that you have in my life that show me you are everywhere. Please guide me... I need you.

Love always,
Michelle Jo elen

Stations of the Cross

Station 1 - Jesus is Condemned to Death

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider, that Jesus, after having been scourged and crowned with thorns, was unjustly condemned by Pilate to die on the cross.
My adorable Jesus, it was not Pilate, no, it was my sins, that condemned Thee to die. I beseech Thee, by the merits of this sorrowful journey, to assist my soul in its journey toward eternity. I love Thee, my beloved Jesus; I love Thee more than myself; I repent with my whole heart of having offended Thee. Never permit me to separate myself from Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always; and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Through her heart, His sorrow sharing, All His bitter anguish bearing, Now at length the sword had passed.

Station 2 - Jesus is Made to Bear His Cross

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider, that Jesus, in making this journey with the cross on His shoulders, thought of us, and offered for us, to His Father, the death that He was about to undergo.
My most beloved Jesus, I embrace all the tribulations that Thou hast destined for me until death. I beseech Thee, by the merits of the pain Thou didst suffer in carrying Thy cross, to give me the necessary help to carry mine with perfect patience and resignation. I love Thee, Jesus, my love, I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to separate myself from Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always, and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Oh, how sad and sore distressed,
Was that Mother highly blessed
Of the sole-begotten One!

Station 3 - Jesus Falls the First Time under His Cross

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider, this first fall of Jesus under His cross. His flesh was torn by the scourges, His head crowned with thorns, and He had lost a great quantity of blood. He was so weakened that He could scarcely walk, and yet He had to carry this great load upon His shoulders. The soldiers struck Him rudely, and thus He fell several times in His journey.
My beloved Jesus, it is not the weight of the cross, but of my sins, which has made Thee suffer so much pain. Ah, by the merits of this first fall, deliver me from the misfortune of falling into mortal sin. I love Thee, O my Jesus, with my whole heart; I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always; and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Christ above in torment hangs,
She beneath beholds the pangs
Of her dying, glorious Son.

Station 4 - Jesus Meets His Afflicted Mother

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider, the meeting of the Son and the Mother, which took place on this journey. Jesus and Mary looked at each other, and their looks became as so many arrows to wound those hearts which loved each other so tenderly.
My most loving Jesus, by the sorrow Thou didst experience in this meeting, grant me the grace of a truly devoted love for Thy most holy Mother. And thou, my Queen, who wast overwhelmed with sorrow, obtain for me by thy intercession a continual and tender remembrance of the Passion of thy Son. I love Thee, Jesus, my love; I repent of ever having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always, and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Is there one who would not weep
Whelmed in miseries so deep
Christ's dear Mother to behold?

Station 5 - Simon the Cyrenian Helps Jesus to Carry His Cross

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider that the Jews seeing that at each step Jesus, from weakness, was on the point of expiring, and fearing that He would die on the way when they wished Him to die the ignominious death of the cross, constrained Simon the Cyrenian to carry the cross behind Our Lord.
My most sweet Jesus, I will not refuse the cross as the Cyrenian did; I accept it, I embrace it. I accept in particular the death that Thou hast destined for me with all the pains which may accompany it; I unite it to Thy death, I offer it to Thee. Thou has died for love of me, I will die for love of Thee, and to please Thee. Help me by Thy grace. I love Thee, Jesus, my love; I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always, and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Can the human heart refrain
From partaking in her pain,
In that Mother's pain untold?

Station 6 - Veronica Wipes the Face of Jesus

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider that the holy woman named Veronica, seeing Jesus so afflicted, and His face bathed in sweat and blood, presented Him with a towel with which He wiped His adorable face, leaving on it the impression of His holy countenance.
My most beloved Jesus, Thy face was beautiful before, but in this journey it has lost all its beauty, and wounds and blood have disfigured it. Alas! my soul also was once beautiful, when it received Thy grace in Baptism; but I have disfigured it since by my sins. Thou alone, my Redeemer, canst restore it to its former beauty. Do this by Thy Passion, O Jesus. I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always, and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Bruised, derided, cursed, defiled,
She beheld her tender Child,
All with bloody scourges rent.

Station 7 - Jesus Falls the Second Time

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider the second fall of Jesus under the cross—a fall which renews the pain of all the wounds of the head and members of our afflicted Lord.
My most gentle Jesus, how many times Thou hast pardoned me, and how many times have I fallen again, and begun again to offend Thee! Oh, by the merits of this new fall, give me the necessary helps to persevere in Thy grace until death. Grant that in all temptations which assail me I may always commend myself to Thee. I love Thee, Jesus, my love, with my whole heart; I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always; and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
For the sins of His own nation
Saw Him hang in desolation
Till His spirit forth He sent.

Station 8 - Jesus Speaks to the Daughters of Jerusalem

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider that those women wept with compassion at seeing Jesus in so pitiable a state, streaming with blood, as He walked along. But Jesus said to them, "Weep not for Me but for your children."
My Jesus, laden with sorrows, I weep for the offenses that I have committed against Thee, because of the pains which they have deserved, and still more because of the displeasure which they have caused Thee, Who hast loved me so much. It is Thy love, more than the fear of hell, which causes me to weep for my sins. My Jesus, I love Thee more than myself; I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always; and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
O Thou Mother! fount of love,
Touch my spirit from above.
Make my heart with thine accord.

Station 9 - Jesus Falls the Third Time

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider the third fall of Jesus Christ. His weakness was extreme, and the cruelty of His executioners excessive, who tried to hasten His steps when He had scarcely strength to move.
Ah, my outraged Jesus, by the merits of the weakness Thou didst suffer in going to Calvary, give me strength sufficient to conquer all human respect and all my wicked passions, which have led me to despise Thy friendship. I love Thee, Jesus, my love, with my whole heart; I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always; and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Make me feel as thou hast felt:
Make my soul to glow and melt
With the love of Christ, my Lord.

Station 10 - Jesus is Stripped of His Garments

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider the violence with which the executioners stripped Jesus. His inner garments adhered to His torn flesh and they dragged them off so roughly that the skin came with them. Compassionate your Savior thus cruelly treated, and say to Him:
My innocent Jesus, by the merits of the torment which Thou hast felt, help me to strip myself of all affection to things of earth, in order that I may place all my love in Thee, Who art so worthy of my love. I love Thee, O Jesus, with my whole heart: I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always; and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Holy Mother! pierce me through.
In my heart each wound renew
Of my Savior crucified.

Station 11 - Jesus is Nailed to the Cross

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider that Jesus, after being thrown on the cross, extended His hands, and offered to His eternal Father the sacrifice of His life for our salvation. These barbarians fastened Him with nails; and then, raising the cross, left Him to die with anguish on this infamous gibbet.
My Jesus, loaded with contempt, nail my heart to Thy feet, that it may ever remain there to love Thee, and never quit Thee again. I love Thee more than myself; I repent of having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always; and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Let me share with thee His pain,
Who for all our sins was slain,
Who for me in torments died.

Station 12 - Jesus Dies on the Cross

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider how thy Jesus, after three hours of agony on the cross, consumed at length with anguish, abandons Himself to the weight of His body, bows His head, and dies.
O my dying Jesus, I kiss devoutly the cross on which Thou didst die for love of me. I have merited by my sins to die a miserable death, but Thy death is my hope. Ah, by the merits of Thy death, give me grace to die, embracing Thy feet and burning with love of Thee. I commit my soul into Thy hands. I love Thee with my whole heart; I repent of ever having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always; and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Let me mingle tears with thee,
Mourning Him Who mourned for me,
All the days that I may live.

Station 13 - Jesus is Taken Down from the Cross

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider that, our Lord having expired, two of His disciples, Joseph and Nicodemus, took Him down from the cross, and placed Him in the arms of His afflicted Mother, who received Him with unutterable tenderness, and pressed Him to her bosom.
O Mother of Sorrow, for the love of this Son, accept me for thy servant and pray to Him for me. And Thou, my Redeemer, since Thou hast died for me, permit me to love Thee; for I wish but Thee, my Jesus, and I repent of ever having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee always; and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
By the cross with thee to stay,
There with thee to weep and pray,
Is all I ask of thee to give.

Station 14 - Jesus is Placed in the Sepulchre

V. We adore Thee, O Christ, and we praise Thee.
R. Because by Thy holy cross Thou hast redeemed the world.
Consider that the disciples carried the body of Jesus to bury it, accompanied by His holy Mother, who arranged it in the sepulchre with her own hands. They then closed the tomb and all withdrew.
Ah, my buried Jesus, I kiss the stone that encloses Thee. But Thou didst rise again the third day. I beseech Thee, by Thy resurrection, make me rise glorious with Thee at the last day, to be always united with Thee in heaven, to praise Thee and love Thee forever. I love Thee, and I repent of ever having offended Thee. Never permit me to offend Thee again. Grant that I may love Thee; and then do with me what Thou wilt.
Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory be to the Father
Virgin of all virgins best!
Listen to my fond request:
Let me share thy grief divine.

Ash wed, our start to LENT

O good and dearest Jesus, I kneel before your face. With all my heart I ask you to place in my heart more faith, hope and charity. Give me a true sorrow for my sins and a strong will to do better With great sorrow and grief I look upon your five wounds and think about them. Before my eyes are the words that the prophet David said of you, O good Jesus: "They have pierced my hands and feet They have numbered all my bones."

Here comes the big one....

Wow only 2 letters and already theres a live changing post. Something happened today something clicked in my brain and I can't describe it.

All my adult life I've only been wanting to be on the path that God intended me to be on I've only wanted to do what god intended for me to do. I know that I made with a great plan, I was made to overcome things, to be a blessing to others... to be a strong impact on people and life. I know thats why he's made me grow a tougher skin, to realise that I need to lean on him in times of need and not other things.

Today I woke up to a rough call... my mother called me at 8:20am letting me know that the landlord is going to start the eviction proceedings today because we didn't make the rent today. We still owe 250 from last month and now the new 1500 dollar payment is due. She has worked with us and worked with us since mom got sick, she let us eat up the security deposit when Social security stopped the payments, and now since everything has been used up and there isnt anything left she has no other choice. I know that its not her fault.

I also know however that I need to figure this one out... and by me figuring this out it will show my mother that she needs to trust god more, she needs to let him handle things, she needs to not worry so much about smiting people (and stop focusing on negative) But the only thing i can think of is to move.

Bottom line she can not afford to live there, and I can not afford to pay the rent all the time. I've maxed myself to the gills and I just can't do it. This morning I prayed that God would get me thru this and I think hes trying to give me a gentle shove in the right direction.

Lord,
My faith in you is strong, please show me what you need me to do... please let me understand the path and become one with it. Please bless me so that I may be a blessing to others. Please bless me with the money and tools I need to become what you have intended me to come. They say to come right out and ask you for what you want. So I'm asking you to bless me with the finances to change whats going on around me.
Love,
Michelle

Things I want to share

"Give back what was given to you"

I read the vow, and it saddens me how people view marriage now these days. The story of Kim and Krickett will forever live on in my heart, and I too hope that I can grow to be that strong in my faith.... so that I may endure the same tests and succed.

Clearly I didn't pass the tests that marriage threw at me the first time around. I want to pray that things change. I pray that you lord open my heart and my mind so that they can communicate on the same path. I pray that you make me stronger so that I don't give up so easily or jump so easily in either direction.



I think reading the book of Job would do a lot of good to a lot of people... I too am going to read that and benefit from its teachings.

I read things like "I can do all things through Christ who strenthens me" Philippians 4:13

Remind me to read Philippians 4:6-9 and to really pay attention to what its saying...

Lord,
I pray that you are always with me in life and that you show me where I am supposed to go and what im supposed to do. I want to walk the path that you alwas intended that I walk. I want to be the Michelle that you want me to be, and be with the man that you made for me to have. I love you so much and I thank you for all the wonderful blessings in my life. The people that you have given me, the blessings and hardships that you have showed me, the way that you've helped me grow in the last couple years of my life. I honor and cherish you.
love,
michelle

I decided

To start writing letters to god... I think this is what I can do to keep my head on straight this year. 2012 is it. I know that people say taht every year, but I feel sooo good about this "healthy clean up" year.

In 2012: Expect the unexpected, Believe in the impossible, Anything can happen- are you ready for it?

I call this my "Healthy clean-up" year because that is exactly what it is. This year I am going to clean up. I'm getting on track with my diet, I'm paying off this debt and finally working with a lawyer on my bancruptcy. This is the year with all the hard work in it, but it looks so bright. This is the last year that I'm going to have to say the word bancrupt, this is the last year that Jamie has to say the word car payment, this is the last year that I have to feel trapped and that feels amazing.